Memory

What do we remember? To answer that we should consider how we remember.

During our lives we have an incredible number of experiences; the potency of the memory is often associated with the level of emotion associated with the action. We can all remember our first kiss but I doubt we can remember our first maths lesson?

As time passes our memories of the actual event fade leaving us with the emotional footprint. In other words, the majority of the memory becomes emotional – more of a feeling than a video or facsimile of events. And these emotions are associated with our interpretation of the events at the time.

Some people have feuds that run over years; continually fuelled by nothing more than a feeling of injustice as both parties have long forgotten the detail of the event.

We all have a history. Memories of "the one that got away" some associated with regrets and others relief. But all have contributed to our ability to make better decisions about subsequent relationships.

But do our feelings associated with regret offer us any benefit? The simple answer – it's unlikely. Although that doesn't make those feelings go away (I wish it did at times).

I remember watching the Ridley Scott film "Blade Runner" when I was young. I was mesmerised by it although I have to admit I didn't understand a lot of it. I simply hadn't had enough experience of life to relate to particular sequences. As I grew older I maintained the same feelings towards the film. And even when I had the appropriate life experiences my memory of the film was unaltered.

Simply put, my memory of the film had faded, leaving me with a positive feeling. Of course I had bits and pieces of the film in my head, but not enough to mentally replay and re-interpret.

It was only when I watched the film again as an adult that I was able to see it and this time; understand it.

And this is often what can happen when we reflect on the past. So something you remember as being funny then, if it happened now may not be funny. It's all relative to who you where when you had the experience.

Going on holiday is another good example. During your holiday each day passes, you do interesting things but you are living in the "now" and the now feels normal. Only on your return you romanticise the holiday, and on reflection it was an amazing holiday and you wish you could go back! It's all relative. One reason why it's best to live in the "now", because relativity doesn't exist. If you live in the past you rely on the volatility of your brains ability to accurately remember the past – which it doesn't do very well.

So if you have negative feelings about events in the past it's best to remember the relative nature of memories. You are different now. You are older, and wiser. So it's best to look forward, and leave the past in the past.

Tip: Put on some upbeat music. Learn a new language (or act on improving yourself). You will feel better.